“People pleasing” can best be described as giving large chunks of yourself away in order to make other people happy. You never truly feel whole when you’re an avid people pleaser because you’re always sucking it up in order to maintain other people’s positive perspective of you.
If you regularly engage in any of these activities, you might be a people pleaser:
You have a difficult time saying no when favors are asked of you.
It’s common for you to give others numerous chances even if you feel they are undeserving.
Your intuition has often been put on the back burner as you don’t wish to create any conflict.
You go along with something you believe is wrong or unjust because you’re afraid of going against the grain.
You spend far too much energy on caring how others will view you.
You find yourself doing something you wouldn’t ordinarily do for the sake of another.
You have altered something about yourself to fit another person’s standards. Your appearance, your speech, your ideas.
You loathe and scamper away from any form of rejection.
Do any of these sound like you?
I can understand the ease and convenience of people pleasing, but I have also come to realize the destruction it causes. It’s easier and more comfortable to be liked by all, it’s convenient to give in to others and their desires if it means that conflict will be avoided. One of my biggest fears in life is conflict and I avoid it at all costs. In fact, if I was a super hero my super power would be people pleasing (though I wouldn’t use that acronym on my cape). I’ve gotten extremely good at it and though I feel a large contributor to that is my open mind and charismatic personality; I do know that some of it stems from the self-destructive habit of constantly trying to satisfy everyone else and their own agendas.
Know this: it’s absolutely impossible to ever make everyone happy all the time. And that’s okay. As long as you are kind and you don’t intentionally bring harm upon others, you have the right and responsibility to put yourself first. You don’t possibly believe you could keep others happy when you are an empty cup yourself, do you?
People will talk about you. People will judge you. People will invite themselves into your world and try to sabotage good things you have. This is all inevitable. Even the most experienced of People Pleasers will tell you that despite their best efforts there is STILL someone who is not happy with them. Do not let this be the foundation on which you build the remainder of your life. You have only an obligation to you (and your children of course) and nobody else.
The first step to curbing that nasty habit of obsessively trying to please others is: don’t.
Today I learned that I don’t owe anyone an explanation of my life or how I feel and why. What a wonderful, beautiful, magical realization this is.